Being a Mother......

Friends, I have not been updating my blog since a very long time....though the people closest to me have repeatedly insisted that I continue to share my thoughts through my blog...Today, ahead of Mother's Day, felt like sharing some thoughts with you and make a new beginning......

'Motherhood' is something which cannot be explained in words.....I will still try to share my thoughts about 'Mother'....She is the person who brings you into the world, nurtures you, loves you unconditionally till the last breath of her life......She goes to any extent to protect you....from all the difficulties you face-big or small....right from taking your first baby step to facing big challenges in life....

My Mom.....The emotionally strongest person I have come across in my life....probably I could even say.... the spirit of positivity...looking at things in the positive light...however bad things are going.....I possibly inherited from her....She is a character who' calls a spade a spade'....does not hesitate to point out things which she feels is incorrect.....a strict disciplinarian, she brought us up with values which helped me and my twin sister develop into sensitive as well as strong human beings ...During the most difficult times in my life....specially after my battle with cancer began four years ago....she has been  standing like a hard rock beside me giving me all the support I needed whenever I felt I was losing the battle.....She gave me the  inspiration to fight cancer....making me realise that I too am a mother and I have to fight and win this battle.....not for anyone else....but for my 11-year old son, Sooraj who is the light of my life....All this.,When she herself was going through a personal crisis....taking care of her ailing father( my grandfather)running from one hospital to another....sometimes due to his ill health....sometimes due to mine...., and even when my grandpa passed away....she maintained her calm disposition by  not breaking down and was there with me as I too was going through a low phase due to my inconsistent health at that time... She proved that she is not only an excellent mother...but also a wonderful daughter....

Being a mother myself....when I look back at the last four years...each day I have lived..., it has been a gift by my son  who gave me my identity as his mother....and a reason....an inspiration to fight all the pain and move on positively....the smile I see on his face, all the mischief he does, the occasional hug and kiss he gives me...it gives me the strength to fight any intensity of pain..., and makes the willingness to live within me...more stronger everyday...,I feel blessed and thank god for giving me my mother and my son in my life.....

Today, as I write this post dedicated to mothers all over the world, I would like to wholeheartedly thank my amma...for being with me....always!....Love you, Mom....

How important is your spouse in life?

for me...

being with me during the most challenging times of my life...never imposing your choices or decisions on me, letting me be myself and maintain my individuality, giving meaning to my persona as a wife, a daughter-in-law and most importantly as a mother to an adorable son...my dear...a million thanks to you for understanding me during the worst phase of my life... today, after receiving the nomination award for being a cancer conqueror I realise...conquering the deadly disease would not have been possible without your calm disposition throughout. If not for you, I would have broken down completely!

you and our wonderful son, Sooraj - the light of my life, have given me the zest to move on and a reason to live....i am thankful to god for bringing both of you into my life....life is beautiful!

on a soul-searching journey....

My friends...you might be wondering where I have been all these months!...disappeared after writing two posts on my blog.Well, I have been on a different journey altogether!...a soul searching journey...to discover myself!

You realise the value of anything when the fear of losing it gets on to you. Life brings us on the threshold of such situations many times...One such day came in my life too...It was June 21, 2010.The day i was diagonised with breast cancer...I was told by my doctor....i did not have much time...IT had already started spreading and an immediate surgery was the only option! At that moment, I felt my world falling apart...It felt as if someone had slapped me hard on the face.....actually...fate had! It took a while to sink in...After a while when i could face it....there were a lot of questions within me...I did not ask GOD...why me?....At that moment, I only prayed.....GOD give me the strength to go through this...Forgive me if knowingly or unknowingly I have hurt anyone...and give me the energy and the positive attitude to overcome this gruelling disease...I want to live...for all the people who love me so much!....and especially for my seven year old son....who knows nothing about what i am going through.

I have always believed....Whatever happens in one's life...there is a reason behind it...GOD makes you go through tough times...but he also gives you the strength to face these tough times bravely...HE is always with you...showing you in small ways that HE is always looking at you...showering you with HIS love and blessings...Bad times don't last...This too shall pass....I keep telling this to myself today....It gives me a hope that things will be much better in the coming days....

The disease...and the gruelling treatment that followed...changed my perspective towards life.Many things around me came to me in a different light....My husband...I saw a completely new avtaar of him! Hats off to him for managing the entire situation with a cool head...and not breaking down...I know it must have been very difficult for him...but never once he let it show...God bless him with all the happiness in the world!...my parents...who took up all this ordeal silently and never made me feel low.. GOD has given me wonderful friends....many of them...who have been so caring and loving....one of whom I have to make a special mention here....anu ma'am....she may be too young to be my mother.....don't know whether to call her my friend, or simply a person who is so closely bonded with me....that if i cry...i see tears in her eyes...i have never felt the need to express any of my feelings to her in words....she understands me so well....that we can read each other like a book...That day with my biopsy report in hand...too shocked to react..i had to go for some pre operative tests...alone...not knowing where i was going....anu ma'am met me on the road just below the hospital building...Till then i had not even come to terms with what i had in my hand....When i saw her...i clearly remember hugging her tightly...and i cried my heart out! She only said one thing to me..."This too shall pass!" That one sentence she said has now become the mantra of my life...Has made me pass so many hurdles with ease...with dignity!

Another person who needs a special mention here is my sister....I have no words to thank her....I would say ...we never bonded so well in the last 30 years! ...but the days post surgery bought us really close to each other. She was with me...holding my hand when i needed support to walk in the hospital room the day after the BIG operation...she was there....hearing me out...when i spoke out my fears......gave me that much needed shoulder to cry on...( not that i actually cried!) ...that was the time we shared a lot of our thoughts..spoke about small and big things...which would have been almost impossible given the hectic schedules she has..and the routine life I have. It was as if GOD had given us this opportunity to come closer....I take it as a positive side effect of CANCER in my life....!

My onco surgeon, Dr. Arun Behl from Fortis...gave me the courage to accept the situation and even laugh at it with his witty humor!....GOD BLESS HIM! He made everything so simple...be it the actual surgery...the condition post operation or even going home with a blood drain tube!....He always says...this disease is more of the soul than of the body...so 'think positive' and you can win over the situation....Dr. Sneha Pathak, the occupational therapist at Fortis...is another special friend..whom i met at the hospital during one of those gruelling chemotherapy sessions,....She was almost godsent i feel! A warm hearted person who can immediately put you at ease...Dr. Sneha now leads our Breast Cancer Support Group at Fortis Hospitals....she has been always supportive...patiently listening to me and others in the support group facing similar or worse conditions and eliminating any doubts we have about our condition....giving us a new ray of hope...that come what may....life goes on.....and we have to move on in life with a new ray hope!!! Life is beautiful....:)

The Power of Prayer...

Many say...what is the need to pray?..God is everywhere and HE does not demand we spend time from our busy schedules to pray to him.....I believe, Prayer is a mode of dialogue...a conversation we have with GOD. When we pray, we are connecting with HIM in a unique way..and it is the most pure way to attain total union with God.

The Power of Prayer cannot be turned down....Many a times, when we are looking for answers, we pray...and in most of the instances, a reply...a possible solution we were looking for... is given to us. Praying brings peace to the disturbed mind, satisfaction to the joyful mind and a sense of belief and self confidence to the wavering mind. The power of Prayer, thus, is beyond boundaries. It gives us the virtue to look beyond....and believe!

Life....a strange journey!

The most beautiful lessons in life are learned in the toughest situations...

As I start to write this blog, I look back at the journey called life....Ups and downs, shades of brightness and darkness...and a divine force which has guided me through the rough seas.

Belief in the divine does not come easily. To accept the existence and the divinity of God....HE gives you situations which you may not even realise. Unkowingly, HE takes you on the path towards HIM....I have experienced this in many phases of my life! ...and then comes a stage when you remember HIM not only when you face obstacles...but also thank HIM for the joyous moments and happiness in your life. HE becomes a part of YOU.....and always guides you in whatever you do.